I’ve already posted two of my new year’s resolutions on my other blog, Hope Is Real!, but I’ve got more.  As this is a sexual blog, I will post my sexual new year’s resolution here.  (I actually thought up my sexual resolution before my other ones.  I work with a young woman with a developmental disability and when she asked me if I had any new year’s resolutions, the thought, “Not have sex with any assholes!” immediately came to my mind.  Fortunately, I didn’t say what I was thinking!)  Which brings me to my new year’s resolution:

Not to have sex with an asshole if I can help it!

Let me explain.  Last year was a big chapter in my sexual exploration.  I’m sort of a late bloomer sexually and so at 31, I finally started generating a lot of sexual attention on a dating website.  I was flattered that guys were into me and so I met a few and had sex.  Fun stuff!  Except that sometimes the guy would say or do something beforehand that was particularly asshole-ish and I would feel compelled to have sex with him anyway.  The worst one was a guy who said that he thought every person that has mental illness should be sterilized.  I was appalled and yet I had sex with him anyway.  I’m not proud of that fact.  I soon realized that while casual sex has some benefits – orgasms! stress relief! – there are some drawbacks too.  Not being choosy enough meant that I felt like a hypocrite and my self esteem went down.  I still regret having sex with that man.  BUT I have already learned from that mistake and when a guy that I was sort of dating months later said some asshole-y things-once again, they were about mental illness!-I told him that what he was saying was unacceptable and that we could not see each other anymore.  Yes, this meant that I missed some potential sexy fun times, but much more importantly, I kept my self respect and I felt good about myself.  Last year, I learned that it is much better to feel good about yourself than have sex or please a man.  I am resolved to keep following the path of self respect during this year.

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