I love sex. Sex is extremely fun. It is fun to have sex with new people. It is also fun to have sex with the same person a bunch of times. Sex is fun when your happy or sad. There is pretty much nothing else in this world as fun as sex.  

– comment from debate.org on whether sex is fun.

 

A recent awkward sexual moment:

 

I’m doing the hopes, successes, and dreams portion of my mental health presentation last week to a group of parents who have children who have mental illness. I’m telling them some of my many accomplishments.  I tell them that I have two regular blogs, one is a mental health recovery blog and one is about sex, for fun.  I’m sort of rushing through this last segment, as I sense I am running out of time.  A parent then asks me, 

 

Excuse me, what do you mean, a sex for fun blog?

 

Oh! (I say, laughing.) I don’t mean, a sex for fun blog.  I mean, I just started a new blog about sexuality, so that I could have a writing project that is just for fun and not about mental health.

 

I still see confusion on the parents’ faces.

 

I’m bisexual and I just started facilitating two LGBT support groups at the center where I work, so I thought I would write a blog about sexuality, since so many are needing support about it nowadays.  I thought it would a fun topic.

 

The audience relaxes and laughs. My response has finally been accepted.  The man who had asked nods in approval.

 

That makes more sense.  I thought you meant a blog that is just about sex being fun, which it is, but…

 

Which It Is.

 

I understand that sex is not fun for everybody.  It didn’t used to be for me.  But why are so many people not talking about sex for enjoyment? 

 

 

Sex used as a weapon is what we see everyday in the media and in our places of worship and even by our schools.  We must beware of sex because it can result in diseases and pregnancy, shame and trauma.  We don’t talk of protection, boundaries and communication skills in order to have fun.

 

It is assumed that only men can have sex for enjoyment, while women are expected to serve but in my relationship, we serve each other.  In fact, often times it is the male that is serving me, as the bondage, pain, and domineering are done for my pleasure.

 

The LGBT community does need a lot of support right now. To me, part of that support is deciding for myself how I want to talk about sex instead of letting society dictate it for me.  

 

Sex is fun. 

 

I enjoy exploring my sexuality.

 

I enjoy the ability to give and take away consent.

 

I enjoy expressing myself sexually well.

 

I enjoy being my own sexual person.

 

I enjoy having sex on my own terms, whether with a stranger, a partner, or with myself.

 

I believe letting myself experience the pleasures of sex is a way to exuberantly love myself.

 

This has nothing to do with mental health recovery and everything to do with it at once.

 

I could not do any of these things when I was still in the throes of clinical depression or severe anxiety. I felt bound with shame, guilt, awkwardness, self-consciousness, and fear.  Now that I am better, I realize that the power to enjoy life starts with me and part of my life is sex.  

 

This country, this world, will not be totally free until we stop equating sex with patriarchal violence but with enjoyment, in whatever way that enjoyment consensually manifests for each person.

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