We wouldn’t have to “come out” if it wasn’t assumed that we’re straight to begin with.  – Anonymous

How do you come out as having a girlfriend if you don’t want to make a big deal about it?  

Answer: I don’t know.

I recently went on a wonderful summer beach vacation with my extended family – all seventeen of us!  

Obviously, I can’t come out about being in a poly relationship if my dad doesn’t know but I thought I could come out about having a girlfriend.  Now, all of my immediate family and a few others know that I am bisexual but not all of my extended family knows.  I thought and thought about how I would let them know without causing a movie scene.  It seems that one sees the big dramatic announcements when people are not sure if they will be accepted – fortunately for me, I know I will be and already am accepted by my family.  Sooo, I do not feel the need to make a big announcement with some dramatic pause.

I thought I had a stellar plan – I would just talk about us some times and slip in the words, “my girlfriend, _____.”

EXCEPT there is a generational thing I had not thought about – older women refer to their girls who are friends as “girlfriends” much more often than younger women do and so THEY DID NOT CATCH ON!!!   It was so frustrating.  At times, I felt like screaming, “Do you want me to cause a scene?!”

I finally spelled it out for one of my aunts.

It is hard living in such a heteronormative world and I think I finally know where the stereotypical gay drama comes from – we have to be or else we’re invisible.

I don’t have any answers.  I tend to hide from big drama and so I don’t want to do the stereotypical thing.  It seems like it would be very awkward.  But I guess a little awkwardness sometimes is what’s needed.  Maybe next time, instead of saying, “my girlfriend,” I’ll say, “my lover.”  Surely there can’t be any second guesses then, right?

 

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