Archives for posts with tag: bisexuality

Another person’s judgment of your lifestyle or your passions says more about them than you.   ~ Colin Wright

Do you remember that quote from my new roommate that I gushed about?

Well, the good book says to love your neighbor and I figure I’ve got enough stuff of my own to worry about, that I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s.

Turned out it was not so nonjudgmental.  Turned out that my roommate does think being bisexual, having a girlfriend and a boyfriend, is wrong and she told my other roommate so.  I am so thankful that my other roommate defended me and told the judgmental roommate that she was not a good fit and that she needed to move out.  

There are other reasons too – we quickly learned that this roommate has a negative personality and is very hard to live with.  Life has been tense here.

The other day, I woke up from a nap in my room when I overheard her talking loudly on the phone that she was being forced out because of her “faith.”

They knew I am a Christian, so why are they upset?  The Bible says it’s wrong – I’m not being judgmental.

I was so angry to hear her talking about me that I packed up a few things and spent some time at my parents’.

I am not going to talk about everything in those statements that made me angry, but this:

Christians are not defined by their judgment of LGBT people.  

In fact, LGBT feminist people can be Christian too.  

I am.

There have been a rise lately on “religious freedom” laws that grant businesses the right to discriminate based on their religious beliefs.  This offends me to the core.  According to my faith, God is Love.  Anything in the Bible that does not support that I feel justified in throwing out.  Even Jesus subverted scripture to support loving all.   Like the old song says, we are supposed to be known to be Christians based on our love, not our rules.  I am worried about LGBT discrimination and laws like these being on the rise with Trump as president-elect.  That is why I am writing to my governor tonight to praise him for standing up to these laws in the past and to continue doing so.  Just because Trump will be president does not mean that discrimination has to unilaterally win.

Last night, as my two partners and I hugged together, I thought to myself,

How can this love be wrong?

Like I have said before, polyamory is about having more people to love and as long as that is done in a healthy way, there is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, to quote a cheesy often sung this time of year:

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.  It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.



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Being in the closet sucks for the person who has to hide out of fear of rejection, but it also sucks for his/her family and friends who miss out on the precious gift of loving someone who feels safe, completely whole, and free to be who they are.  ~ Anonymous

One of my roommates has moved out.  We are sad to see her go but we must move on.  I made an ad and it was promptly answered.  One of the potential roommates came over to look at the room and we really hit it off.  We had a really pleasant conversation and she seemed like a good fit, so when she asked if there was anything else she should know, I told her about my relationship.  I told her that I am bisexual (I didn’t want to explain pansexuality) and that I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, although I usually go over to their house to be with them.  

I didn’t think she would have a problem with me but I wanted to know for sure before she signed the lease.  She responded in a really sweet way:

Well, the good book says to love your neighbor and I figure I’ve got enough stuff of my own to worry about, that I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s.

I just wanted to give her a hug.

It’s awkward to come out like that to someone who’s practically a stranger but it can be much more awkward coming out to someone you already respect and are close to.  I laughed to myself that night about how silly it seems to be able to come out with relative ease to someone I barely know and yet still be petrified about coming out to my father. 

I am working with my therapist on how to tell my dad and brother. I know that I am probably making this out to be much more than it really is.  Unfortunately, we are not taught how to have awkward, honest conversations in school, although I think what would make America great would be for all of us to learn how to engage in thoughtful, authentic dialogue.  Now, more than ever, do we need to talk with each other in caring, attentive ways.

We wouldn’t have to “come out” if it wasn’t assumed that we’re straight to begin with.  – Anonymous

How do you come out as having a girlfriend if you don’t want to make a big deal about it?  

Answer: I don’t know.

I recently went on a wonderful summer beach vacation with my extended family – all seventeen of us!  

Obviously, I can’t come out about being in a poly relationship if my dad doesn’t know but I thought I could come out about having a girlfriend.  Now, all of my immediate family and a few others know that I am bisexual but not all of my extended family knows.  I thought and thought about how I would let them know without causing a movie scene.  It seems that one sees the big dramatic announcements when people are not sure if they will be accepted – fortunately for me, I know I will be and already am accepted by my family.  Sooo, I do not feel the need to make a big announcement with some dramatic pause.

I thought I had a stellar plan – I would just talk about us some times and slip in the words, “my girlfriend, _____.”

EXCEPT there is a generational thing I had not thought about – older women refer to their girls who are friends as “girlfriends” much more often than younger women do and so THEY DID NOT CATCH ON!!!   It was so frustrating.  At times, I felt like screaming, “Do you want me to cause a scene?!”

I finally spelled it out for one of my aunts.

It is hard living in such a heteronormative world and I think I finally know where the stereotypical gay drama comes from – we have to be or else we’re invisible.

I don’t have any answers.  I tend to hide from big drama and so I don’t want to do the stereotypical thing.  It seems like it would be very awkward.  But I guess a little awkwardness sometimes is what’s needed.  Maybe next time, instead of saying, “my girlfriend,” I’ll say, “my lover.”  Surely there can’t be any second guesses then, right?

 

The first rule of Bi Club is that you can talk about it all you want, because most people won’t believe it’s real anyway. 

– Lindsay King Miller, Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls

Amazing how skin and eye color come in many shades yet many think sexuality is just gay or straight.

– DaShanne Stokes

My 35th birthday was May 9th and I had a fun time celebrating it with my parents the day before.  The day of my girlfriend and boyfriend made me a dinner that nearly had me rolling on the ground from foodgasm ecstasy.  A few weeks later, I gathered a good crowd of my friends and we had Sunday brunch at Lips, a drag show restaurant for their Drag Gospel show. It was hilarious and such a good, affirming time with friends. 

(Mother Bubba D.Licious)

Except for one part-they tried to make us invisible.

I’ve been to a couple of drag shows before and I knew that they always ask the audience who’s straight and who’s gay or lesbian.  I figured I would have to identify as bisexual since pansexuality is still not as well known.  Except they never asked!  They asked if there were any lesbians and one women responded saying that she was bisexual.  And then it was over. The drag queens never formally asked the group if there were any bisexuals in the building, which was a deep shame as practically half of my group identified as such.

Our identity was erased and it felt like a betrayal considering we were in a queer space.

I decided then and there that I was not going to be erased on my birthday!  I had not intended to participate in the part where the birthday guest gets on stage – an extra ten dollars – but I immediately marched to the line and I’m glad I did!

I sat in the birthday chair with a piece of cake and a flaming candle in my lap.  I was asked:

Do you have a boyfriend?

I replied:

Yes. I also have a girlfriend!

The crowd laughed and cheered in delight. I smiled broadly.  The drag queens paused.  One of them reached out and snuffed out the candle with her fingers:

Well, honey, you don’t need to blow that out – we know you can use your tongue!

We all laughed and we took a picture of me and two drag queens sticking our tongues out.  Then I stepped down off the stage and kissed first my girlfriend and my boyfriend.

It feels good to be out.  It’s sad that I cannot always be.  This August, I’m going on a vacation with my extended family and I am a little sad as I know I will probably keep a part of my romantic life hidden.  

I want to have pride in my sexuality and my relationships but I am still hesitant to reveal myself to certain people. Pride is not about being militant or arrogant – it’s about having enough self-assurance that I will allow myself the gift of authenticity.  Authenticity brings pride, confidence, and goodness while hiding reinforces feelings of shame.

I want to be true to myself as much as possible and I will not be made invisible in a space that is a celebration of queerness.

The question is, will I let myself be truly celebrated and acknowledged everywhere else?

I honestly don’t know right now.  I know I will eventually…