Archives for posts with tag: dialogue

Being in the closet sucks for the person who has to hide out of fear of rejection, but it also sucks for his/her family and friends who miss out on the precious gift of loving someone who feels safe, completely whole, and free to be who they are.  ~ Anonymous

One of my roommates has moved out.  We are sad to see her go but we must move on.  I made an ad and it was promptly answered.  One of the potential roommates came over to look at the room and we really hit it off.  We had a really pleasant conversation and she seemed like a good fit, so when she asked if there was anything else she should know, I told her about my relationship.  I told her that I am bisexual (I didn’t want to explain pansexuality) and that I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, although I usually go over to their house to be with them.  

I didn’t think she would have a problem with me but I wanted to know for sure before she signed the lease.  She responded in a really sweet way:

Well, the good book says to love your neighbor and I figure I’ve got enough stuff of my own to worry about, that I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s.

I just wanted to give her a hug.

It’s awkward to come out like that to someone who’s practically a stranger but it can be much more awkward coming out to someone you already respect and are close to.  I laughed to myself that night about how silly it seems to be able to come out with relative ease to someone I barely know and yet still be petrified about coming out to my father. 

I am working with my therapist on how to tell my dad and brother. I know that I am probably making this out to be much more than it really is.  Unfortunately, we are not taught how to have awkward, honest conversations in school, although I think what would make America great would be for all of us to learn how to engage in thoughtful, authentic dialogue.  Now, more than ever, do we need to talk with each other in caring, attentive ways.

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There is nothing shameful about loving yourself. The shame is in NOT loving the unique and brilliant individual that you are.” 
― Miya YamanouchiEmbrace Your Sexual Self: A Practical Guide for Women

I am so glad that I am on Medicare.  On the other hand, Medicare is not the gold standard that everyone seems to think it is.  They did not want to pay for my IUD even though it is the birth control method that works the best for me.  Fortunately, I was able to file a formulary appeal and it was approved.  I suspect that my answer to the question, “Have you ever tried other forms of birth control?” Had a good part to do with it – my answer was, “I got pregnant.”  And really, how much more expensive is it to pay for the birth of a baby and the ensuing extra treatment I would need for my mental health if I went through with the pregnancy than just paying the $8OO for an IUD.  Still, $8OO is a lot of money for me, so I was ecstatic that the IUD was granted full coverage for me.

Me being me, I sent an email to my boss explaining that I would need coverage at a certain time so I could go get my IUD inserted and that this was SO IMPORTANT but I not only sent it to my boss but to every person’s email at every Peer Support and Wellness Center in Georgia.  Once I realized my mistake, I gulped and said, “Well, I really don’t have any secrets anymore…”

Later, I was talking with a coworker and said, “Well, I guess everybody at every center knows now that I have a good sex life…”

She said, laughingly, “And we all want to know your secret!”

Here’s the thing – I was not that embarrassed by my mistake.  In fact, I think it’s quite funny.  I have a part-time job doing mental health presentations around Georgia where I talk about my crazy history.  At this point, I am used to being authentic and many times, revel in it.

I believe authenticity is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world because when we are true to ourselves, we give permission for other people to be the same.  If more people were more comfortable with showing their true selves to the world and if all of our realities were celebrated, then I think this world would be a much better place.

I no longer have any shame about living with a mental health challenge and being disabled – I am working on eliminating sexual shame too.

Having an active sex life when actively chosen is something to be celebrated.  Being in a non traditional romantic relationship in our world is definitely something to be celebrated, even if it appears odd to others.  For that matter, choosing celibacy or monogamy is something to be celebrated too if it is intentionally chosen.  I wish our society would allow us to feel more comfortable to dialogue about different sexualities and choices without judgment, condemnation or sensationalization.  I firmly believe that it is in respectful dialogue with different people that we can find the most opportunities for growth and freedom.

By the way, my secret to meeting people that I want to connect with, whether romantic or nonromantic, is to simply go ahead and pursue the things that I am already passionate about and to just be open to the possibilities that come with meeting others with similar passions.

That’s it.

Be open to pursuing your passions and be open to forming connections with people on the way.  Life is much richer that way.

 

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“I believe when we’re able to fully own and express ourselves, we are able to tap into a creative power deeply rooted from our sexual energy – our creative energy. It’s our core. We don’t understand the creative power we have because we’re so busy using it in all the wrong ways – or worse, not using it at all.” Lauryn Doll

Who knew that Whisper would turn out to be so delightful?  Right now, I am having several charming conversations at once about how hairy legs really do not dampen anyone’s sexual activity.  A bunch of men started chatting and telling me that yep, I’m right, and in fact, many men seem to not only be okay with female leg hair but find it sexy.  You see, the beauty industry really is just selling us a pack of lies.  (Now, I have no problem with shaving.  It just makes me sad to hear women that don’t want to shave buy the lie that they must in order to keep a boyfriend or have sex.  It just ain’t true.)

I had another wonderful conversation on Whisper a few days ago and it is encapsulated so many very wonderful things about my relationship that I asked the man I was talking to if it would be alright if I shared.  Happily, he said yes.  (Unfortunately, the first half of the conversation was somehow deleted.  To set up: I had just told him that I not only am in a triad but also have a lover on the side. He asked if everyone knew – a valid question.)

 

Let me say it again:

I wish more people were open to being this free.  It’s empowering to be with people who value autonomy, honesty, and good communication.

I really do.  The world would be a much better place.