People don’t know the half of it but they don’t need to know it either.  ~ Anonymous

My mom was surprised that my dad responded so well to my coming out as poly but I really was not, although I was very relieved.  There are some things between us that I do not think my mom knows about – I’m guessing she does not know about the time my dad walked in on me after just having sex with my then boyfriend.

Yes, that boyfriend, the awful one that caused me to start this blog.  

At the time, I was still living with my parents.  The basement used to be our TV area but things changed and now the top level hosts our family room.  Naturally, b.f. And I wanted some privacy and privacy can be really hard to come by when you’re living with your parents.  We descended to the basement because my parents hardly ever spent time down there, especially when they were two floors above us watching television.  Surely, some sex between the two of us would be safe in the basement, right? Well, it would have been except that I am a slut (really.  I played Janet in Rocky Horror Picture Show for a year in 2005!) and I do not like to put my clothes back on immediately after intercouse.  

Why spoil the mood by putting clothes back on?

Fortunately, b.f. Did put his boxers on.

I say fortunately because as my b.f. Is sitting on the couch and I am curled up next to him completely naked, my very sweet father comes down the stairs and asks us if he can get us anything to drink.

I am mortified.  

The part of my brain that send words to my mouth malfunctioned and all I could say was, “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

My dad, to his credit, immediately turned around and said embarrassedly, “Ok, you’re busy!” He rushed upstairs and needless to say, did not bother us any more that night.  I suspected then and I am positive now that he did not tell my mom.  Everyone involved was embarrassed and just wanted to forget the whole incident. Except, how can you forget something like that, really?  The moment is seared into my brain.

Here’s the weird thing that I am only now realizing in the recall of that terrible event – how my dad reacted brought us closer together.   He kept my confidence and he respected my space.  He did not try to shame me but recognized that I am an adult who deserves intimacy and privacy.  Perhaps he learned the importance of knocking.

A few months later when I announced that I was pregnant, neither of my parents shamed me or got upset.  We accepted that I needed an abortion and we treated it like a logical medical decision because I believe, that is what it is.  Or at least they did.  Unfortunately, the breakup, the hormones, my already too high anxiety, all made me spiral out of control and I spent the next year trying to pick up the pieces.  I eventually was able to pick them up and make my life better but that was only after a lot of misery and heartache.

I guess what I’ve learned is that awkward moments suck in the moment but if handled respectfully can bring two people closer together.  Respect for intimacy earns trust and so I trusted that my dad would accept me.  

I’m still not going to tell my mom about what happened though. Some secrets really are best kept secret.