Archives for posts with tag: love

Another person’s judgment of your lifestyle or your passions says more about them than you.   ~ Colin Wright

Do you remember that quote from my new roommate that I gushed about?

Well, the good book says to love your neighbor and I figure I’ve got enough stuff of my own to worry about, that I don’t need to worry about anyone else’s.

Turned out it was not so nonjudgmental.  Turned out that my roommate does think being bisexual, having a girlfriend and a boyfriend, is wrong and she told my other roommate so.  I am so thankful that my other roommate defended me and told the judgmental roommate that she was not a good fit and that she needed to move out.  

There are other reasons too – we quickly learned that this roommate has a negative personality and is very hard to live with.  Life has been tense here.

The other day, I woke up from a nap in my room when I overheard her talking loudly on the phone that she was being forced out because of her “faith.”

They knew I am a Christian, so why are they upset?  The Bible says it’s wrong – I’m not being judgmental.

I was so angry to hear her talking about me that I packed up a few things and spent some time at my parents’.

I am not going to talk about everything in those statements that made me angry, but this:

Christians are not defined by their judgment of LGBT people.  

In fact, LGBT feminist people can be Christian too.  

I am.

There have been a rise lately on “religious freedom” laws that grant businesses the right to discriminate based on their religious beliefs.  This offends me to the core.  According to my faith, God is Love.  Anything in the Bible that does not support that I feel justified in throwing out.  Even Jesus subverted scripture to support loving all.   Like the old song says, we are supposed to be known to be Christians based on our love, not our rules.  I am worried about LGBT discrimination and laws like these being on the rise with Trump as president-elect.  That is why I am writing to my governor tonight to praise him for standing up to these laws in the past and to continue doing so.  Just because Trump will be president does not mean that discrimination has to unilaterally win.

Last night, as my two partners and I hugged together, I thought to myself,

How can this love be wrong?

Like I have said before, polyamory is about having more people to love and as long as that is done in a healthy way, there is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, to quote a cheesy often sung this time of year:

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.  It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.



People are not possessions.

Polyamory just means more people to love.   (Me)

There is nothing more awkward to me than fighting between the people I love.  I am a people pleaser by nature, which can sometimes get me in trouble.  I struggle with standing up for myself, setting boundaries and being assertive, although I am getting better.  Two stereotypes I encounter often are that life within a triad is somehow magically free of jealousy or that our times together are nothing but wild orgies.  Neither are true.  What IS true is that we have made a committment to always stay with each other, even when times are tough and to be willing to talk things out.  We are compassionate with ourselves and each other.  We are willing to acknowledge jealousy and yet not let it be the end.  I really don’t understand why people say so often to me that they could not do what we’re doing because they would be too possessive or jealous and I feel like protesting, “but people aren’t possessions!”  I really do not see the morality in jealousy.  Jealousy is used as an acceptable reason for why someone should not be polyamorous, but to me, it is a weakness to work on.  To me, a far more acceptable answer is just to say that one is not interested.  That’s okay to me.  People are allowed to have different interests in different lifestyles – I guess I just don’t see polyamory as being so wild as I see it being so loving.  

Another awkward thing is meeting a significant other’s family!  On the Fourth of July I had a great time with my people.  One of the things we did was go to see my boyfriend’s family.  Now he and my girlfriend are getting married, and as some of his family is very conservative, I had to be introduced as the close friend.  It was weird – I felt like an awkward teenager all over again.  The family was very warm and accepting.  They asked no questions, which surprised me!  I ended up having a pretty good time but I couldn’t help but wonder what they were thinking some times or whether I would be out one day in the future.  I try not to dwell in those personal questions too long though, as there is no answer yet and it is really not any of my business to know the future or what other people are thinking about me.

As the two of them talk about marriage and I am faced more and more with stereotypes and the supposed conflicts of religion, I want to offer First Corinthians 13:4-7 from the Bible.  This is the Bible verse probably used the most at weddings and I just do not see how it does not also apply to relationships with more than two people:

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now some say that this verse really applies to our relationship with Christ and not towards romance, but if we are called to be like Christ towards one another, then I don’t see the difference.  All relationships should be based in love, no matter what kind of relationship it is and there is no limit to the amount of love that one is supplied, except by our own human biases.

Treat everyone with lovingkindness.  Seek for greater understanding.  Continue to draw respectful boundaries where need be.  

Blessed be and Goddess bless.

 

This post is cross-posted at Hope Is Real!

I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living.  And you…And you…And you…Gotta give ’em hope.  ~ Harvey Milk

I pass as straight most of the time and so I have a lot of privilege in many ways.  But still, I possess a lot of fear related to my queerness.  It is a level of fear that I think a lot of people don’t realize.  For instance, for the past sixteen years I have attended a church with a lesbian minister that is attended by a lot of LGBTQ people, which means that for the past sixteen years I have feared that someone will bomb or otherwise terrorize the place where I worship.  That may sound extreme to some but hate-filled shootings and bombings are on the rise and have been for a while now.  I don’t have ease of mind before telling someone about my pansexual poly relationship for the first time.  I have not had any negative reactions so far but I know I will one day.  One of my strongest memories is how homophobic the first college I attended was.  (Although I must give a shout-out to the wonderful friends I made there – we really tried to support each other as much as we could.). Because of that religiously based homophobia, I am extremely wary of people that talk about hellfire.

And yet, it’s not all about me.  Today fifty people were killed who frequent an LGBT nightclub and I really do not care if the person was connected to ISIS or not.  To me, there are plenty of hateful organizations that rail against queer people and it easily could have been from another group.  

Today, at a supposed to be fun bicycle event in Atlanta, two separate homeless men who probably have a mental illness were holding signs and yelling about repentance and how we all have sinned.  Another man, obviously homeless and having a mental illness, sat beside me outside and proceeded to tell me about how he would break the neck of any person that bothered him.

They’re right – we have all sinned and we do need to repent.  One of the men spoke about how he sleeps outside and my heart broke.  I was triggered beyond belief by their words and yet I was still full of compassion for them.  Our nation does need to repent of our greedy ways.  Our ways that place money above mental healthcare, guns above homes, judgment above tolerance.  We need feminism because older white men are the group with the highest suicide rate, we need tolerance because it seems that people no longer know how to properly communicate.

We need hope.

I don’t have any solutions.

My wish is that people would care more and that people were taught in schools how to respectfully dialogue with one another.

I try to be an example but I cannot be everything.

I tried to go do something fun today and just ended up getting more triggered, more mournful.

Maybe that’s the point. Sometimes life sucks and it cannot be ignored.  If we, as a nation, are confronted by our evil, then maybe we will have to do something about it.  

Why don’t we require people to take a gun safety class when they buy a gun?

Why don’t we require gun owners to properly store their guns?

Why do we let people with a violent history, including domestic abuse, keep a gun?

Why don’t we encourage thoughtful dialogue instead of making everything sensational?

Why can’t we teach comprehensive sex education in school that also addresses sexual orientation instead of pretending that abstinent only sex ed will somehow magically prevent pregnancy, regret, and disease?

Why do we let the media only follow hateful men?

Why do WE follow the hateful men?

How can we hear the news and still be bringers of hope?

I doubt the men who were screaming about repentance today even knew what had happened.  In my mind, I was brought back to college when it was common for a student to go to another and say that they were going to hell for being gay.  Where my feminist student group continually had to re-hang our flyers, as they were continually being torn down.  Where the gay-straight alliance had to meet at a professor’s house in secret because we were not allowed by the school to officially meet on campus.  And who decreed that?  Good ol’ founder of Chick-Fil-A, Truett Cathy, who threatened to take away his money from the school if there was an official gay-straight alliance on the grounds.  Nowadays, his son, Dan Cathy, allows the alliance, as long as the students only gather for social purposes and not for activism.  How very Christian of him.

I am Christian and yet I hate Christians.  When hearing the loud repentance proclaimers, I often wonder if the old prophets weren’t just assholes.   Yelling at me to repent when I am already hurting seems like an asshole-ish thing to do.  Or maybe, like these men, they were all mentally ill and didn’t know how to best express themselves.

I don’t know what to do with these feelings, except to try to be the best that I can be.  To not let the loudest speakers take away my soul and all of my joy.  To continually love, even when hard.  To continue to be a sensitive, emotional person in pain.

We all need a hug today.  Let the violence stop with you.