Archives for posts with tag: pride

The ultimate test of any civilization is how we treat the most vulnerable…what we do to our children. ~ Ravi Zacharias

Today is National Coming Out Day and coming out is still awkward for me.  I find it is often times easier to come out to strangers or friends than to family.  For many other people, coming out is not just awkward but dangerous.  It is illegal to identify as homosexual in many countries and my transgender friends tell me that this is the worst they have seen this country react towards them in the last twenty years.  

Total marriage equality has not happened in the United States – I am painfully aware that polyamorous relationships are not allowed to become marriage.  Like Christina Crosby in her book, A Body Undone: Living On After Great Pain, posits, I think it would be best if the government had nothing to do with marriage and marriage was simply a beautiful ceremony about love and committment.  

It is my belief that the way you determine either an individual’s or a country’s character is how they treat the most oppressed and the most vulnerable.  It makes me sad when I see so many “Christian” people espousing tough love that can become cruel.  The only way anyone can pull on a bootstrap is with other people’s help.  We aren’t born wearing shoes.

This is why I love Pride!  Atlanta Pride is during October, which I know is odd, but it makes me happy, as our summer sun is too punishing for a parade.  This year, I marched with my church in the parade and it was lovely.  There was a moment when the street became narrow for us because there were so many people in the street yelling, “Happy Pride!”  A woman ran forward, got close to the kid holding our banner, and said, “Kid, you are awesome!”  Seeing people make points to high-five and give words of affirmation and appreciation to the kids made my heart swell.  The feeling of love towards all was palpable.  Every type of person was represented and all were there together to welcome an oppressed group in love.  In that moment, I experienced heaven.

I believe we can bring heaven to Earth by welcoming the oppressed and by wholeheartedly showing the Holy One’s love to each other.  This requires dialogue, compassion and a willingness to see the holy in the other.  Some people think that seeing all the open sexuality on display during Pride and the declarations during National Coming Out Day as a problem – I see it as the solution.  We need a planet where everyone is loved and welcomed home.

The first rule of Bi Club is that you can talk about it all you want, because most people won’t believe it’s real anyway. 

– Lindsay King Miller, Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls

Amazing how skin and eye color come in many shades yet many think sexuality is just gay or straight.

– DaShanne Stokes

My 35th birthday was May 9th and I had a fun time celebrating it with my parents the day before.  The day of my girlfriend and boyfriend made me a dinner that nearly had me rolling on the ground from foodgasm ecstasy.  A few weeks later, I gathered a good crowd of my friends and we had Sunday brunch at Lips, a drag show restaurant for their Drag Gospel show. It was hilarious and such a good, affirming time with friends. 

(Mother Bubba D.Licious)

Except for one part-they tried to make us invisible.

I’ve been to a couple of drag shows before and I knew that they always ask the audience who’s straight and who’s gay or lesbian.  I figured I would have to identify as bisexual since pansexuality is still not as well known.  Except they never asked!  They asked if there were any lesbians and one women responded saying that she was bisexual.  And then it was over. The drag queens never formally asked the group if there were any bisexuals in the building, which was a deep shame as practically half of my group identified as such.

Our identity was erased and it felt like a betrayal considering we were in a queer space.

I decided then and there that I was not going to be erased on my birthday!  I had not intended to participate in the part where the birthday guest gets on stage – an extra ten dollars – but I immediately marched to the line and I’m glad I did!

I sat in the birthday chair with a piece of cake and a flaming candle in my lap.  I was asked:

Do you have a boyfriend?

I replied:

Yes. I also have a girlfriend!

The crowd laughed and cheered in delight. I smiled broadly.  The drag queens paused.  One of them reached out and snuffed out the candle with her fingers:

Well, honey, you don’t need to blow that out – we know you can use your tongue!

We all laughed and we took a picture of me and two drag queens sticking our tongues out.  Then I stepped down off the stage and kissed first my girlfriend and my boyfriend.

It feels good to be out.  It’s sad that I cannot always be.  This August, I’m going on a vacation with my extended family and I am a little sad as I know I will probably keep a part of my romantic life hidden.  

I want to have pride in my sexuality and my relationships but I am still hesitant to reveal myself to certain people. Pride is not about being militant or arrogant – it’s about having enough self-assurance that I will allow myself the gift of authenticity.  Authenticity brings pride, confidence, and goodness while hiding reinforces feelings of shame.

I want to be true to myself as much as possible and I will not be made invisible in a space that is a celebration of queerness.

The question is, will I let myself be truly celebrated and acknowledged everywhere else?

I honestly don’t know right now.  I know I will eventually…