Archives for posts with tag: spirituality

The ultimate test of any civilization is how we treat the most vulnerable…what we do to our children. ~ Ravi Zacharias

Today is National Coming Out Day and coming out is still awkward for me.  I find it is often times easier to come out to strangers or friends than to family.  For many other people, coming out is not just awkward but dangerous.  It is illegal to identify as homosexual in many countries and my transgender friends tell me that this is the worst they have seen this country react towards them in the last twenty years.  

Total marriage equality has not happened in the United States – I am painfully aware that polyamorous relationships are not allowed to become marriage.  Like Christina Crosby in her book, A Body Undone: Living On After Great Pain, posits, I think it would be best if the government had nothing to do with marriage and marriage was simply a beautiful ceremony about love and committment.  

It is my belief that the way you determine either an individual’s or a country’s character is how they treat the most oppressed and the most vulnerable.  It makes me sad when I see so many “Christian” people espousing tough love that can become cruel.  The only way anyone can pull on a bootstrap is with other people’s help.  We aren’t born wearing shoes.

This is why I love Pride!  Atlanta Pride is during October, which I know is odd, but it makes me happy, as our summer sun is too punishing for a parade.  This year, I marched with my church in the parade and it was lovely.  There was a moment when the street became narrow for us because there were so many people in the street yelling, “Happy Pride!”  A woman ran forward, got close to the kid holding our banner, and said, “Kid, you are awesome!”  Seeing people make points to high-five and give words of affirmation and appreciation to the kids made my heart swell.  The feeling of love towards all was palpable.  Every type of person was represented and all were there together to welcome an oppressed group in love.  In that moment, I experienced heaven.

I believe we can bring heaven to Earth by welcoming the oppressed and by wholeheartedly showing the Holy One’s love to each other.  This requires dialogue, compassion and a willingness to see the holy in the other.  Some people think that seeing all the open sexuality on display during Pride and the declarations during National Coming Out Day as a problem – I see it as the solution.  We need a planet where everyone is loved and welcomed home.

People are not possessions.

Polyamory just means more people to love.   (Me)

There is nothing more awkward to me than fighting between the people I love.  I am a people pleaser by nature, which can sometimes get me in trouble.  I struggle with standing up for myself, setting boundaries and being assertive, although I am getting better.  Two stereotypes I encounter often are that life within a triad is somehow magically free of jealousy or that our times together are nothing but wild orgies.  Neither are true.  What IS true is that we have made a committment to always stay with each other, even when times are tough and to be willing to talk things out.  We are compassionate with ourselves and each other.  We are willing to acknowledge jealousy and yet not let it be the end.  I really don’t understand why people say so often to me that they could not do what we’re doing because they would be too possessive or jealous and I feel like protesting, “but people aren’t possessions!”  I really do not see the morality in jealousy.  Jealousy is used as an acceptable reason for why someone should not be polyamorous, but to me, it is a weakness to work on.  To me, a far more acceptable answer is just to say that one is not interested.  That’s okay to me.  People are allowed to have different interests in different lifestyles – I guess I just don’t see polyamory as being so wild as I see it being so loving.  

Another awkward thing is meeting a significant other’s family!  On the Fourth of July I had a great time with my people.  One of the things we did was go to see my boyfriend’s family.  Now he and my girlfriend are getting married, and as some of his family is very conservative, I had to be introduced as the close friend.  It was weird – I felt like an awkward teenager all over again.  The family was very warm and accepting.  They asked no questions, which surprised me!  I ended up having a pretty good time but I couldn’t help but wonder what they were thinking some times or whether I would be out one day in the future.  I try not to dwell in those personal questions too long though, as there is no answer yet and it is really not any of my business to know the future or what other people are thinking about me.

As the two of them talk about marriage and I am faced more and more with stereotypes and the supposed conflicts of religion, I want to offer First Corinthians 13:4-7 from the Bible.  This is the Bible verse probably used the most at weddings and I just do not see how it does not also apply to relationships with more than two people:

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now some say that this verse really applies to our relationship with Christ and not towards romance, but if we are called to be like Christ towards one another, then I don’t see the difference.  All relationships should be based in love, no matter what kind of relationship it is and there is no limit to the amount of love that one is supplied, except by our own human biases.

Treat everyone with lovingkindness.  Seek for greater understanding.  Continue to draw respectful boundaries where need be.  

Blessed be and Goddess bless.